Thursday, March 31, 2011

May I have a tissue?

I had a meltdown today.  The first, and, while I realize it's probably not, I hope it's the last meltdown I have surrounding this whole MS thing.  I've formed a team to participate in the Portland 2011 MS Walk.  As I was working on my personal page within the national MS Society page, I ran into a problem.  I couldn't figure out how to create a hyperlink; you know, a cute little, underlined "click here" directive.  I tried and tried and with each attempt I grew more and more frustrated.  Almost desperate for a solution, I called my eldest daughter.  I had every intention of stating my issue in an adult manner until I heard her voice.  Out of no where tears and stifled sobs arose.  I kept asking myself  'where is this coming from?'  (Yes, Daddy.  I know I should never end a sentence with a preposition and should, instead ask, 'whence does this come?'  But really.  Who talks that way?  Sorry, Daddy.)

So what precipitated meltdown?  Besides the frustration with the hyperlink?  Um, I am beginning to realize this, I mean, THIS is the new reality for us, for me.  And it's hard for me to deal with. (gee, I'll bet it's easy for Art, right?)  So many plans are changing.  So much is different.  We have Art's bicycle and accessories for sale (seriously, the bike has less than 20 miles on it) and I'm having a hard time acknowledging that we won't get to, among other activities, ride our bikes through Italy.  I guess we could if Art rode a recumbent, but do you ever see recumbent touring bikes in Italy?

But there must be some good news in my gloomy world, right?  Well, we had a wonderful, wonderful cruise.  There were close to 1000 college students on Spring break with us, (Hey, travel agent, you're the best.  Thanks for warning us.)  I mean, when you were in college, your parents sent you on a spring break cruise, didn't they?  Yeah, me neither.  It was kinda fun for me to watch Art NOT watch the young women.  These little girls, (for most of them did wear a size 0 I'm sure) wore bikinis fabricated from gauze and dental floss.  Art commented there was so much eye candy he thought his eyes had cavities.  Truly, these must have been Children of Privilege for they drank with abandon (both on the ship and in port).  Art heard the young man at the table next to us one night complaining that he'd dropped $400 in the casino the night before.  Shoot, we began our night in the casino with $40 and walked out with $90.  That's how seriously I take gambling - with my money, that is.  Heck, I'll gamble all night with YOUR money...

It was a perfect stateroom, too.  We had a lovely little balcony where we took our coffee every morning, cocktails in the evening and cigars after dinner.  We decided that on the next cruise (for there will be a cruise next year - just not during spring break) we'd like to find an itinerary that allowed us to spend several days in port as opposed to 8 hours.  We'll see what we find.

Let me end this by saying how very blessed Art and I are.  Not only do we have each other we have great children, beautiful, perfect grandchildren and such amazing friends!  Thank you all for being our friends and supporting us.  We couldn't do this without you.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

So much to learn!

I keep thinking I'm trying to accomplish too many things at once of late; I'm trying to learn about plant-based meals and trying to get myself up-to-speed on MS and treatments and associated information.  I feel as though my mind is running a different direction every few minutes.  I've begun making a list of websites I want to look at, a list of things to do today, a list of medications to research, a list of cookbooks to look at.  Then I'll remember something I saw yesterday (or the day before) that I never checked out and wander off in that direction for a while, then finally steer myself back to what I was doing originally...but that brings up other things to learn and investigate and I'm off again.  Am I trying to accomplish too much?  Am I trying to learn all I need to know, or feel I need to know, too quickly? I don't know.  All I know is that I feel scattered and disjointed.

Art returned from his visit with his mother armed with information about 'alternative treatments' from his sister.  I love his sister. Like me, she's a powerful advocate for anyone/anything in whom she believes.  She's a tireless worker and formidable foe, I'm sure.  (I've never been on the 'foe' side and I can assure you I don't want to be.)  Surprisingly Art is quite interested in all we are discovering, too.  I say surprisingly because he's never been very good about getting involved in his healthcare - he has me for that, right?  Nice change to see. 

We had dinner with Art's son last night.  As my son, Art's son is overweight.  Both young men eat fast or convenience foods to the exclusion of all else.  I don't think either has tasted a raw vegetable or a piece of fruit in ages.  Art made the comment to his son that he seems oblivious to the amount of food he consumes and the quality of that food, i.e., overly processed.  We talked about Starbucks beverages; because of the ever so handy app on my beloved iPhone, I showed David the hot choclate he drinks has an obscene 800+ calories!  I know, nobody want to have someone tell them how/what to eat, but I'm afraid for our sons.  Niether gets any sort of activity and neither realizes they're doomed to die young.  Sigh.  I need to step off my soap box, right?  Ok...stepping down.

As I opened the menu last night the first thing I saw was the filet with cabernet demi-glace.  Yum!  I was shocked that I would have that thought first.  I'm not and never have been a huge beef eater (save for the occasional veal)  Is it because I'm consciously avoiding meat that I was so drawn to it last night?  I opted instead for the tilapia with a side of roasted squash.  (Virtue is my middle name.)  Surprisingly, too, Art had a meatless pasta dish.  He affirmed he, too, just feels better avoiding meat.  Strange to hear, especially from my heretofore carniverous husband. 

Best news?  I've lost 3, count 'em, three pounds since this whole thing started!  Potato soup for dinner tonight (I'm cold and it sounds good) with fresh bread.  I need to work now on finding recipes for bread made with whole wheat flour.   I know that will change the texture and the complexity of the bread...more research for me.  I think I need to add a page to my 'to do' list today.