Tuesday, December 28, 2010


...and now it appears Mack has MS.  When I was a kid, the tag l ine on the ad said, "MS, the great crippler of young adults."  But we're not young.  It appears Mack's symptoms came on 10 or more years ago, he just never pushed for answers from the doctors.  He didn't schedule the MRI's they ordered, he didn't follow the physical therapy regimen prescribed, he didn't follow up with doctors on the schedule requested.  And now, at least, we know what it is.  There are treatments for this, at least, right?

I admit I'm a bit freaked out about this though.  I don't like it when my husband is uncomfortable, when he's embarassed by his weaknesses, when he falls in front of his friends/coworkers/employees.  I asked him tonight what sort of improvement he's hoping to find in treatments offered.  He said, essentially, he's accepted there's nothing to help him, that he's stuck like this and that he'll never regain any function.  Maybe, he admits, it will slow, but he'll never be any stronger.

That would be ok but I can't imagine giving up.  I commented earlier that "I'm not feeling very loved today", to which he said nothing.  He assured me of his love, but again, how would I know?  I talked briefly with Mack about my 'love languages'.  My primary love language is clearly Quality Tiime.  (I need time with you, not time spent watching television, by the way.  Just in case  you're reading, dear Mack.)

...and now I can't sleep.

Thanks for listening -

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Christmas is coming!

Yikes!  Is it really?  Do I really need to begin the planning already?  In a word, yes.  It's that time of year.  I'm often so torn; my dear husband defers to me on all matters shopping-related.  Yes, that means I 'get' to select/wrap/ship presents to his mother and do the same for his children.  Now, I'm a shopper of bliblical proportion; it's a hobby/avocation for me.  But still.  Buying 'thoughtful' presents for people I scarcely know is always difficult.  Even more so this year.  Dear Husband's children and I have never been close (I must be a prickly sort of person) but his daughter decided last year that, as long as Mack chose to have a relationship with me, she wouldn't have a relationship with him. 

Fast forward ten months.  It's now daughter's 22nd birthday.  Mack, being a loving father, emailed his daughter telling her 'we' had a small present (something I still need to buy) and suggested we meet for a cocktail (because we're all adults, right?).  For the first time in 10 months, she replied to him with complaints of physical ailments but agreed to meet for the aforementioned gift offering.  Mack suggested a restaurant and time.  Daughter responded there was nothing at the suggested restaurant she could eat owing to her many medical issues.  Mack was eager to have Daughter make a suggestion.  My position was that if this new GI disease is in fact a portion of Daughter's life, she needed to learn to navigate menus.  I suggested several items on the menu that I knew to be gluten-free.  Mack apprecitated my comments and will, apparently, affirm with Daughter the time and place.

Now, am I being hard-line?  I mean, Daughter is not going to arrive with presents for her father, although his birthday is within days of hers so she's not able to forget it.  And why is she suddenly willing to compromise in her position that I am Satan's mother?  Is it for the proffered gift?  And why does that bother me?

Time to go.  I have shopping to do...